cry laughter

Standing on the cliff, overlooking paradise cove, one of the grooms pulls out his vows and attempts to speak them. What comes out of his mouth can best be described as cry laughter.

So moved my this moment, he is unable to speak. These words are so true and tightly wrapped around the inner workings of his chest that they won’t come out. They cling so tightly to his heart that all he can do is try to gather himself before attempting to release them again. These words are so heavy, carrying the depth of a heart in love, dedication, and appreciation, that he can’t even lift them with his voice.

He cries and laughs after each futile attempt to read the first three words in front of him. He laughs at how ridiculous it is that he can’t manage to get through on sentence. He cries because the words carry everything.

I should have known that this would be an emotional moment. As we gathered ourselves on cliff, getting ready to start, he said to his partner, “Wait, before we start can we just have a moment and embrace?” So they did! They hugged and held each other tightly. It was a way of centering themselves, marking the most of the moment, being present. It was a way of anchoring before this big moment.

What should have taken one minute of speaking his vows, ended up taking twelve. In that time I could have turned around and caught the spectacular view of the sun inching closer to the water, but if I would have done that, I would have missed the best view!

Vermont

Imagine getting married in a big red barn with your brother and cousins sitting up on the loft with their instruments. Your family is around, excited and celebrating the day.

Imagine over 45 years later, your kids continue to go back to the same property to visit your brother. All the family from the area come to the farm to eat meals together and retell family stories.

Your grandkids are there running around the barn and swimming in the pond.

So much happiness. So much joy.

This old red barn is slowly deteriorating. It’s getting so bad that it’s no longer safe to go inside. I guess my parents can only glance in from the outside to see themselves standing there, decked out in their wedding attire and bare feet. From the outside they can look in and see family with smiles on their faces. From the outside they can see where the last 45 years started.

But then they can walk into one of many other houses on the property and find many of those same people engaged in fun conversation. They can find nephews and nieces playing games with their kids. They can see their grandkids enjoying the same earth that they have. They can can add many new layers of memories that just sit there under the surface of the earth, exuding joy and warm.

This big red barn may not be in the same shape it was back in the 70s, but there are so many other things thriving…

What a great place to vacation!

Forgetful? Not me!

Today was the elopement of forgetfulness. 

The bride and groom flew all the way from Kentucky to elope at #griffithobservatory but when he went to put on his suit this morning, he realized that he forgot his pants!

The wedding photographer forgot her purse at her house and panicked a little when she saw the signs about paying for parking. I guess you can say she forgot to read the entire sign, for you don’t have to pay before 11am on weekdays. 

After we greeted her in front of the observatory, she placed her bag down, took a photo, and then we all proceeded to the back of the building. We didn’t realize that she left her bag until we were about to start the ceremony, so I ran to grab it. Thankfully it was there. I was more concerned about finding the bomb squad circling the bag than a thief!

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I forgot their names, right? No, I did not! I don’t know why so many people like to ask me that question!

However, as I was walking away, the bride held up a phone and asked, “did you forget your phone?

Arrowhead

I arrived early for a small wedding (7 guest total!), so I was able to hangout with the groom for a little before the wedding. One aspect about wedding that I enjoy, is seeing smart, intelligent, successful men outside of their element.

Eyes open a little wider than normal, super aware of their surrounding… dare I say, a little nervous?

Usually it’s never nervous about marrying the love of his life, but just the moment, the attention, the ling build up to this 20 min ceremony

It’s just fun to observe.

My favorite part of their story goes back to after their first date. She wasn’t sure that there would be a future, because she didn’t feel the spark. He, on the other hand, was so positive that she was into him that he planned another date.

I think this is where a motivational speaker would talk about having a positive mindset. I won’t go down that rabbit hole, so I’ll just move along…

Let me tell you what I saw in this couple: gratitude. These guys walk life with a posture of gratitude. You can see it in how they talk to their parents, in how they talk to me, in how they talk to each other.

I noticed it because I find that grateful people are the most interesting people to be around. They see things others don’t. They appreciate life a little more. They’re just more fun to be around.

I’m grateful to have been a part of their wedding.

Remember my Value

“You helped me remember my value.” For some reason those words that she spoke to her groom hung in the air a little longer for me.

As much as we want to think we’re strong and secure individuals, the people around us influence how we view ourselves. How we’re treated in our most intimate relationships (parental and romantic) have a profound power to affirm or warp the perception of our inherit value.

I remember sitting with a counselor talking about my crumbling world. I can’t remember what I was talking about, but my framework must have been so depleted and incredibly skewed that he had to stop me to ask, “what makes you valuable?” 

I couldn’t answer. 

I didn’t have an answer.

So we went on for 30 mins with him asking me questions, trying to draw out of me a new perspective. In that time he slowly gave me a new framework to view myself, as he had me list out things, one after another, about why I have value.

As I think back to that moment, my eyes begin to swell. I was was at a place where I was more broken than I’d ever been, but I was fortunate enough to have someone who spoke something powerful into me. That hour session was a turning point, it began a process of putting together and build back up. It was place where healing found its roots and dug in. It was place where I could look past my immediate wounds and see family and friends who saw value in me.

So there I was at this elopement in Pasadena, listening to her speak that one phrase in her vows. 

She said so much in such few words.

Impromptu Elopement

Last Thursday I received a call from a guy who wanted to get married that weekend. They were planning on getting married in 2020, but earlier in the day she received news from the doctor that shook their world. She had cancer!

He apologized for this appearing so unromantic, but they needed to get her on his insurance. And they needed the marriage certificate ASAP!!!

It is always a little painful to tell someone that there are others who can provide better services that fit their needs, but that’s what I did. They needed a certified copy as proof of their marriage, but Los Angeles County takes 6-8 weeks to process a license and mail the certificate. I told them that going to another county or hiring an officiant who can issue licenses from Orange County would expedite the process by weeks. I could only provide them with a notarized copy on that day, which I wasn’t sure would be sufficient. After talking to his HR department, he realized that it was, so he called me back on Friday and we set a time to meet on Saturday. 

Last Saturday we met at Griffith Park Observatory at Sunset. They ubered, but I didn’t, so I had to park at the bottom of the hill and hike 1 mile up (because there’s never any available parking up there). I had to keep a fast pace to get there on time and I kept on repeating their names saying, “‘Bride’ and ‘Groom’ need you, Jacob. You can’t stop! Keep going!”

They were the best motivation ever to climb up that hill!

We tried to get away from the crowd, so we created a little spot amongst some shrubs below the Observatory, where they committed themselves to each other in marriage.

It was a really beautiful moment. Words carry a different weight when cancer is involved, right? When you say, “in sickness and in health” or “Until death do us part”, at the forefront of your mind is the reality of that possibility.

There is something beautiful in seeing two people come together in crises. When life gets hard, he doesn’t run, but, in fact, he does the opposite. He grips harder. He knows that the next few months to years, he will have to be the one who supports her, who takes her to the hospital, who is with her when she’s nauseous, who listens to her struggle with mortality.

What a beautiful moment! 

What an inspiring moment!

Yes, you’re getting married for a very practical reason, health insurance, but I can’t name anything more romantic!

Not Teens Anymore

“You first met me when I was just a teen and didn’t know what love was at the time. We both knew that we saw something in each other but we were not mature enough at the time to understand it….”

Excepts from her vows a week ago.

As they were first telling me their story, I was a little uncomfortable. Not because she went to Starbucks to meet up with his friend and how she instantly know that it was him who she wanted to get to know instead.

It was her lying about her age. 😬

You see she was 14 and he was 5 years older. Once he found out and realized that this definitely wouldn’t work out, he broke it off. They did remain distant friends, sometimes staying in touch while other times not…that is until 4 years ago (over 15 years later.)

I remember sitting down to write their ceremony and spent a lot of time contemplating how do I address the origins of their relationship, but once I started writing, it flowed pretty easy, because they’re such a great couple.

In middle of her vows, she thanked his parents and grandparents for creating such a generous and chivalrous man.

And he is. And she’s super incredible as well. As I heard their whole story and how they’ve been each other’s strength and motivation, it was hard not to like these two. 

One part of their story that I admire and respect so much is their path to sobriety. It was so moving to hear them talk about doing it together… about the support and strength they have with each other. It’s powerful to hear stories of transformation. To me they’ve become a source of inspiration. Anyone who is struggling with addiction, here is beam of hope, a ray of light.

They’ve really created a beautiful life together and I’m so grateful to have had the privilege of marrying them. 

***Side note: here’s me sitting down taking a selfie before the ceremony starts. I like to get to the wedding venue an hour before the start time, so there’s often a lot of waiting around 

Extra Mile

I’ll let you in on a little inside joke…

This is a thank you note from a couple that I married this morning. Originally, we were supposed to meet up yesterday morning at the Observatory, but the park has been working on the roads and the building so everything was closed off these last three days

They asked to push their elopement back a day, which worked for me. I mean, what else am I going to be doing at 5:30 in the morning???

The Park opened the sidewalk for pedestrian this morning, so we had to park at the bottom of the hill and hike up to the Observatory.

There was literally (and I’m using that word in a literal sense) nobody else up there, so we had the whole place to ourselves.

So when they write “Thank you for (literally) going the extra mile for us”….

Well, you get that joke now 

🙂

High School Love

There is this tradition at Montebello High School for every home football game where each player (if he has the courage) goes up to a girl during school and asks if she would wear his jersey to the next home game. If the girl accepts, she wears the jersey for the game and then gives it back to him the next week.

Usually guys will give it to their girlfriend, a friend, or people they know.

Well, this guy always liked this one girl since middle school, but because he was shy, he had barely spoken a word to her over the years.

One day after working up the courage, he walks up to her at school, with his jersey in hand, and asks her if she would wear his jersey for the game. She thought it was a little weird that someone who never speaks to her would ask her this, but she accepts and wore it to the game…

however, she didn’t know that she was supposed to give it back afterwards…

so she kept it.

He wasn’t going to ask for it back!

Oh no, he definitely wasn’t going to ask for it!

So she wore it the next two weeks.

On the third week, he sees her walking up to him. He thinks that she is coming to return it, and that she has finally realized how this jersey thing works. But instead of giving it back, she asks him for his away jersey too!

and so he gives it to her 🙂

When we met for coffee last year, she told me that there was a moment in High School before they were dating when she contemplated walking away from pursuing this relationship. She knew he liked her, but it was so hard to get him to speak. He barely said a word.

Obviously she didn’t make that choice and here we are this weekend, celebrating their marriage.

I can’t tell you how much I love to hear these high school stories. They’re so awkward and funny. They’re full of insecurities and ignorance. There’s vulnerability and pretension. It’s a good reminder that there’s something beautiful in the weird and the uncomfortable. That those moments where you’re in over your head, can produce something astonishing.

I married another couple this weekend. Instead of a large ceremony, it was just an elopement. We met at a bench near the Santa Monica Pier and as we sat on the bench, looking at the ocean, I married them.

The ceremony didn’t have any vows, because they were firm believers that vows were meant to be lived. There were no rings exchanged, because they are already bonded together.

For me, there was something romantic about that moment, sitting on the bench where they used to frequent early in their relationship, legalizing something that has already been established over the years.

They didn’t need spoken vows for me for their commitment to felt and experienced. They didn’t need promises, because they know what they get with each other. They really didn’t even need me, but I was happy to be there 🙂

I had married one other couple this weekend. It was another elopement, but this one had as many dogs as it did humans! There were 4 dogs and 4 friends. Throw in the geese and their chicks at Echo Park lake and us humans were completely out numbered.

Maybe the story of that elopement should be saved for another time…

Hair Gel

I may have said to the bride, “wow, I don’t think I put enough gel in my hair today.”


It was so windy at the beach yesterday that I felt like this couple hired a mad scientist to officiate their elopement.


After I said that, she gave me a look that made me realize this…


She doesn’t care!


That’s right! She’s getting married to the love of her life and so the flow of my hair doesn’t matter. Lol


His hair was flipping around in the wind too and guess what???


It didn’t matter either!


So many things don’t matter. Who has time to worry about the inconsequential?


What did matter was where I was standing. I was on a cliff, very close to an edge. The wind was so strong that I could feel the pressure against my body.


But as I continued with the ceremony, I lost track of where I was standing. It wasn’t until everything was over and I was walking away that I contemplated how a movement one way or another would be met with a hard fall.


But it’s okay. At least I was worrying about my hair!